The wedding ceremony, joining of two lives in perfect harmony. You feel complete, whole. Then, something happens on the way home from the reception. You realize your soul mate is completely different than you. You have different opinions and dreams. You can’t even agree on the thermostat. So what now? How do you honor your husband with love and respect despite the seeming different worlds that you live on?
A. Pray… Talking to God puts things in perspective
For your husband: What’s your husband going through? Is he stressed because of work? Is he tired? Does he feel overwhelmed?
For yourself: Are you feeling lonely, tired, overwhelmed? Are there qualities in your husband you realize you just have to adjust to, and in perspective not that big of a deal? Are you expecting your husband to fill areas only God can?
B. Don’t talk negative about your husband to friends.
He may not be perfect, but he is your husband. Keep your fights and annoyances “in house”. A revolutionary idea, this may even force us to tell our husbands what’s wrong, so they have a fighting chance to help resolve some of this conflict.
A check for me is putting Myself in His shoes. Would I like Him to talk about Me in the same way to His friends.
Sometimes I know we feel beside ourselves. We have already told our husbands certain issues that have needed to be addressed, and yet no change. So we ask our friends to join us in prayer about these specific matters. It feels insurmountable alone. I don’t feel this is out of line. Sometimes we need that extra prayer and encouragement. But if you go this route: choose a couple trustworthy friends to confide in, don’t tell the world, and don’t use it as an escape route to have someone to complain about your husband to.
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
C. Respect your husband’s words, even if you don’t see eye to eye.
In House example: Andy and I don’t have the same threshold for cleanliness. I can overlook more things, but because Andy likes a cleaner house, I try to keep the house as clean as I can… starting at 4:30 that is. This is not a subservient demand this is your best friend sharing his heart and what would help him relieve some of his stress. Out of respect you try to honor that request.
D. Don’t undermine your husband in front of others.
Especially your children! They pick up on everything. My kids are all under 3, but they are so perceptive. If your husband makes a suggestion don’t always feel the need to correct or make him look foolish. We are our husbands helpmeet working together as a team, but sometimes we don’t always want to help. We want to micromanage every facet of their life.
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
E. Encourage your husband to his face and to your friends.
Spend more time focusing on his strengths than his weaknesses. Don’t wait to receive a compliment before you give a compliment.
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.
F. Submit to your Husband.
I am sure to ruffle some feathers here, but the Greek word for submit in Col. 3:18 is hupotassó, which means to choose to be in subjection according to God’s plan. Like everything God does there is order and structure. In 1 Cor. 11:3 it says that the husband is the head of the wife. I don’t picture an overlord, yelling and controlling every movement. I picture a forerunner for the family, guiding the steps of the family, taking that weight and responsibility of making the ultimate call on tough life choices.
Some people may be saying, “Wait a minute this doesn’t sit right with me.” In a world that has been corrupted, where there is spousal abuse, bad choices, selfish ambition, men that abuse their position, there is a desire to sometimes omit this concept, and take matters into our own hands. If you are struggling with an unhealthy relationship, I can not tell you I have all the answers, and maybe your situation doesn’t fit in the ideal mold. All I can tell you is pray about it, and ask what God has in store for you personally.
This structure is not to abuse us, or mistreat us, it is used to teach us sacrificial love. Is our husband perfect… No, but can we learn to be his helpmeet, and honor him despite his imperfections, encouraging him to be the best man he can be.
The beauty of it all, is that submission is not merely confined to women, but also men. Col. 3:19 states one way that men submit to God is by loving their wives. Now what woman doesn’t want to be loved?
Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
I am not saying these suggestions are easy. Sometimes it feels like the person closest to us has hurt us the most. But you are never going to get the victory in your marriage if you stick with the same he did/she did routine. Nobody is without fault. Who knows maybe if you start seeing your husband with respect and focusing on his strengths, he will begin to see you through a different pair of eyes as well. Continue towards building up your relationship, working together as a team. Start enjoying the man you are spending the rest of your life with. Marriage is not a penance, it is a gift.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can help him up.