I was heading down the road in our 2006 Toyota Sienna with my precious cargo in tow. Timmy and Izzy were in their car seats, and Jayden was in my womb. Thoughts of the day were filling my head, as I traveled the same route I had driven many times before. It is kind of scary how methodical driving the same route becomes. Stop sign, go, stop light, go. Sometimes we are kind of on auto pilot as we travel the all too familiar paths.
This day was special, my daughter Isabella (whom we nicknamed Izzy) had just had her appointment at the neurodevelopment clinic. She was 6 weeks premature and had to spend a month at the NICU, so when they told us she was caught up developmentally with those her age, I was so excited! My heart was so full. I was practically singing in the van.
Then, in the blink of an eye, a crash. The van spun out of control, and then came to a dead stop. Silver Toyota Sienna versus red Ford pickup. Nobody won. The van was wrecked, his door crashed in. I felt my heart in my chest, I knew that it was bad. When the noise died down, I looked back at my precious babies. They were so calm. So sweet. Then Tim said something that gave me a dose of reality, “Truck hit the window, right Mom?” I feel like crying as I write this because at that moment I realized how close the truck came to hitting Tim, possibly leaving him seriously hurt or dead.
The ambulance and police came. They took me to the emergency room as I waited to see if any harm was done to baby Jayden. If I had hit a low point, that day would have been it. Sometimes it is easy to feel like the worst mother in the world.
My innocent children entrusted to my care. It only takes a moment to change your life forever. I have been reminded of that moment often when I drive or hold my babies. I don’t want to hold onto the moment because of guilt, but I never want to forget it either in the hopes that I am always alert, always aware. We cannot be on autopilot. We cannot assume because every other day worked out, so will today. I am not wasting this second chance, and I beg that you won’t either. I don’t believe in luck at all. I believe that my gracious Creator had mercy on me. “Whack,” as a metaphoric 2×4 slaps me upside the head, reminding me how valuable life is, and not to take a single moment for granted.
I don’t know who’s fault it was in this accident, but it doesn’t matter. I could have been more aware, more alert. When we are faced with trials, when we are given do-overs or granted mercy, learn from them. Use them to pause and evaluate your life. Thank God for a new day and new insights of God’s mercy and love.
Every good and perfect gift is from above.
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.