My feet are resting under our chipped Ethan Allen coffee table. It’s near midnight and there is a stillness in the air. All the kids are asleep, and the day is drawing closer to a new day. My thoughts don’t rest, although the time is telling me to, as I try to eke out a few more minutes of this gift called “today”. So many good, hard and beautiful moments etched onto today’s page… written in sacrificial love. It’s effortless to walk in creek beds, receive hand drawn cards, and enjoy my kids because they truly are a gift. That’s easy love. Yet, the love of a child, goes beyond the easy, and allows you to love when it’s hard. Disregarding selfishness, and transforming your life so that you think of someone else’s needs above your own.
My son has always been a natural born leader… Some call these attributes strong-willed. :) It depends on what paintbrush you grab, or what lens you view it through. His candle is bright, and his presence is unhidden. Each day he is being molded and shaped; crafted with God’s hands through time and experience, knowledge and love. As I look at my sweet boy, I am motivated to grow, to learn truth, to live out truth, to abandon excess baggage in myself so I can guide him with a clear mind and heart. His eyes are watching, and emulating everything to the umpteenth degree, because whatever he does, he does big and loud… Because his roar is meant to be heard.
On May 9, 2009 at 11:24pm I gave birth to a 4lb, 11oz son. The first time I held him I didn’t fully comprehend what it was to be a mom, and yet I knew I loved this child I carried for 36 weeks. The sacrifice, the devotion, the love had not sunk in as I confidently assumed mothering in its entirety would come as naturally as riding a bike… perhaps I was thinking of a bike with training wheels?
As parents we need to be at the front lines for our children as their number one advocate and protector. Taking the first blows as situations come charging at our kids, whether it be filtering what they hear, protecting their steps, or nurturing their heart we need to invest in our kids with passion and conviction, teaching them what true love is and learning it ourselves. There are few days that go by that some foreign food substance hasn’t lodged itself on my shirt, or that the coffee pot has run dry way too early; yet, we need to plow forward. Not because it’s easy, but because we love our kids, and we are going to be held accountable for how we parented them.
These last couple of weeks have been dicey. The busyness that accompanies a transition to a new house has certainly effected me and my family. It has taken time to fall into a new routine; no wonder God reminded me to pray for patience this morning.
Parents have a big responsibility. We are supposed to train and guide our precious children to the best of our abilities. 24 hours in a day does not seem like enough time for this monumental task. Just the other day I was picking up some cold cuts at Walmart when a fellow customer stopped me and asked me what my youngest son was eating. “What” I asked, because I hadn’t given him anything. To my horror he had ripped off a piece of plastic from the shopping cart handle and was happily sucking on it. “Am I fit for this task?” I questioned myself.
Peaceful that is what I’d call this moment. How is this possible with 3 kids? When I had no kids I felt frazzled, and yet now I am relaxed? What caused this paradigm shift? I stopped living as though I had no kids.
Awakened at the crack of dawn by a 31″ girl and a 37″ boy. I stumble half awake as my children ask for “dinks”, a.k.a. drinks. We start our routine of breakfast, cartoons, devotional… the list continues.
Who knew humility would be served to me by a three foot tall toddler. My first child, Timothy, bright eyed lover of life, has stolen my heart, but has also caused me to eat some extra chocolate (for medicinal purposes). I am the mother who strolled into the grocery store, only to stroll right out, because their child was screaming bloody murder while trying to leap from the cart. I am the mother who had to straight arm my child to try to get him into his car seat long enough to buckle him in. I am the mother who tried to get two kids in the house, while one is screaming “help” loud enough for neighbors 5 blocks away to hear. I am “that” mother.
We’ve all heard the saying, ‘patience is a virtue’- now are we sure that’s in the Bible? I didn’t realize how much I struggled with patience before I had kids. The daily struggles of motherhood are uprooting a lot of things that I realize I have to work on. With one step in front of the other I go. Yes, God, I understand it is Your timing not mine, but please can you just let me follow my personal agenda today.