Building a Strong Marriage


The door shuts, as disagreements mount. There is a progression of pain, that escalates as one wonders where is this person I married? Does he hear the cries of my heart? Does he care? In a marriage you love deeply and hurt deeply. Each spouse knows the others buttons, and they WILL push them. What are some practical ways to make your spouse loveable again?

Accept It’s Not Always Roses

Marriage is a union between two imperfect people. It will not always feel like the birds are chirping and rays of sunshine are landing directly on you and your spouse. You are going to butt heads now and again, but when the dust settles, it’s important to make an obedient choice to stay together, and God will bless you for it.

If they obey and serve him, they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment.

Job 36:11

Respect & Love

Marriage is a beautiful partnership between a man and a woman. The Bible calls for men to love their wives, and wives to respect their husbands. These desires are God given.

I am a strong woman, yet there is something that softens inside of me, when I am called beautiful, or love is shown toward me. Likewise, when my husband is shown respect, he exudes the confidence that I feel towards him. However, if I belittle him, and make him feel that his decision or production is inadequate, he gets defensive and quickly closes off.

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:33

Forgive Quickly

Our natural reaction to an argument is to run, and run far! At least it is with me. I don’t want to be anywhere near the person who hurt me. Yet, for some reason I do have to be near them, they are going to notice my stand off personality because I want them to feel guilty for the pain they caused me. They have to build my trust again. However, this doesn’t solve anything, nor is it Biblical. It just lays a negative foundation for the next argument. So ask God to help you forgive your spouse for hurting you, and talk to them about whats bothering you. Sometimes they don’t even know what upset you.

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

Matthew 6:14

Pray For One Another

Pray to be able to love one another and be more lovable. I truly feel marriage and parenting are two areas that breed dependence on God. They unearth everything about ourselves that we desire to be hidden. We need divine intervention to take us back to square one and love.

Apart from Me you can do nothing.

John 15:5

Laugh With One Another

Life can pull us in so many different directions that it becomes easy to push the important things off to the side. I am a strong advocate for making a conscious decision to put our priorities first. To take the time to breath and relax. Sometimes scheduling a time for our priorities is the best way to go, however impersonal it may seem. It is a pretty standard night to spend time with Andy after the kids go to bed. I personally would like a date night more frequently… so maybe that too has to be initiated. Bottom line, making time for your spouse is so important.

Also, don’t always divide and concur everything. I know there is not enough time in the day, but even if it is just one thing different a week you do as a team instead of always separating the chore list, you will get that extra time to appreciate your spouse and work along side them.

What did you do with your spouse when you first were married that made you attracted to him?

Don’t Put Yourself in a Compromisable Situation

If you emotionally open yourself up to someone of the opposite sex, you are creating vulnerable opportunities that can foster temptation. Almost anyone can look attractive when you are fighting with your spouse. So please don’t make a big mistake based on emotion. The spouse you are with is your partner from here on out, so when we learn to accept and appreciate them, focusing on their positive qualities rather than their negative, most of us will realize we don’t have it as bad as we think.

Don’t Take Your Spouse for Granted

It’s amazing how impactful saying “thank you” can be! I know what you are thinking… What a revolutionary concept, but it truly encourages someone when you verbally acknowledge that you appreciate them. In a marriage, both partners are doing so much to keep the household a float, sometimes we have too many expectations, and not enough words of thanks.

Stay Intimate

We were designed with the need for affection from our spousal unit. It is not always going to come naturally, so we need to make a conscious effort to be their verbally, physically and emotionally for our spouse. Yes, we can get tired. Yes we may not always be in the mood, but expressing love to your spouse is so important. With media offering everything but our spouse for lustful viewing pleasure, it is so important to be reminded that we are all our spouse needs.

Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

1 Corinthians 7:5

Good Extra Reads

Please Share Your Thoughts

  • You are my hero, Grace :-) & God has given you great wisdom some of us often forget :-)

  • Linda Henderson

    that’s my sis! keeping it real and raw. great article. *fist bump

  • Jill

    Amazing Grace! You were named appropriately and for a reason! Thank you so much for your article. It really hit the nail on the head not just once but several times! Marriage can be a very sensitive subject to discuss in this age where divorce is so commonplace and acceptable, even in Christian circles unfortunately. No one wants to put in the effort it takes to keep a difficult marriage alive, just throw it away and get another one, like a broken toaster. But how so much more valuable is that relationship with another human being and how so much more valuable is our obedience to God’s will for our lives! Thank you so much for writing this article! You inspire us…

    • Thank you for your kind words Jill! and thank you for inspiring me to write this. Marriage is tough, there is no getting around that. That is why it is that much more important to stay vigilant and determined to keep the marriage a priority. We are stronger as a team. And yet it seems so much easier to move on then resolve conflict. But that will just get us in the same boat the next time. Relationships are a series of forgiveness, love, and companionship and are def. a gift from God, when we learn to work through the tough moments and truly learn to appreciate each other, we truly learn to love and feel loved.

  • Jer

    : )