This past year has been tough, ugly tough. You know the kind I am talking about? When life brings out of you a whole new side of ugly that you didn’t even know existed. It took me off guard. I thought I had quite the armor; I had learned to be resilient… until I wasn’t. I had learned strength through forgiveness, and valued turning the other cheek. I walked this path, and yet God reminded me that there was more for me to learn.

As I faced this obstacle in my life, I was dumbfounded; completely kicked on my backside. So, what to do when you’re left speechless? I put up my surrender flag for a while. Friends, family, life, things that once came so naturally to me, I felt like a complete failure at. I could not maintain a footing on the small ledge I was on.

Have you been there? I didn’t even want to pretend to have it all together. I was tired, and I honestly didn’t care who noticed.

The people God called me to love… everyone, annoyed me. I cringe thinking of the word annoyed, it brings me back to high school, when the worst thing was when someone said they were annoyed with you. I know this annoyance stemmed from having nothing left to give. I was depleted in every sense of the word.

Small dilemmas became big dilemmas. As I ultimately realized the bigger issue here. Did I trust God? Did I fully believe that God holds the world in His hands in every sense of the word… even my own life? In every situation and hardships God has a purpose for them. The most evil that Satan can devise in this world, can never overthrow the omnipotence of a holy and righteous God. Ultimately, God wins, and I am fighting on His team at all costs.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28

Seasons…

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

Ecclesiastes 3:1

There was a season for my pity party, and now I must get back up and continue fighting, gathering, planting, living. Living a life that hopefully honors and reveres God. Showing love to others because God first showed love to me.

It is easy to feel hurt, to be broken down by the spiritual warfare that is present. It is kind of part of the package deal called… life. Yet, we have a choice to not let it consume us. We must intentionally seek hard after the peace that God offers, and fight for the things that are of value.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Ephesians 6:12

So I am choosing…

To fight for my marriage, no matter who is right or wrong. To seek for ways to love, and not tear down.

To fight for my kids, even when I’m tired, and feel inadequate for the task at hand. To show them they are valued enough to make time for, no matter the demands on my plate.

To fight for my friends, even if it is a season where I feel I am taking more initiative to keep the friendship going.

To fight for my faith, even when God doesn’t always answer the way I would like. I need to trust Him, that His ways are right and true.

To fight for my convictions, even if I am standing alone.

We need to actively pursue healing relationships, and restoring bonds. “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor” (Ephesians 4:9). Whatever it takes, whatever the obstacles you may face, it is worth it. We can not let our pain control us. Control our thoughts, our actions, or our life. It withholds us from the greater purpose God has in store for each one of us who live a life of forgiveness. So gather your armor, make ready your shield, prepare your heart for whatever God has in store for you today.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

Isaiah 26:3

Photo credit: GRATISOGRAPHY